This morning while reading this quote stood out to me.
"Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told."
This is the book that it came from.
(I have yet to draw a conclusion on how I feel about said book)
I have thought a lot about fear lately...
Within the past week, as I stated here, I got some news.
The news?
Basically someone I love dearly is moving.
He is moving pretty far away and at somewhat of a short notice.
The interesting thing for me in all of this is that I am not one who usually has an issue with people moving.
Dr. BFF and I have hashed over this topic more than once and I myself have moved more than any single person I know.
Honestly it most of the time it isn't a big deal.
Oddly.
This isn't how I am seeing it this time around.
This time around...
I have lost it.
All I am doing is reacting by panicking.
Seeing how I have reacted and why has really left me wondering as to where it is all coming from.
My answer?
Mostly fear.
It is amazing what fear does to us as individuals.
I have gone from not sleeping, to crying continually.
I have gone from talking about never blogging again to now sitting here typing this.
I have now lost more weight in the past 2 weeks than I have in 2 years.
All I keep getting back to is why?
The past year and a half with this person in my life has been something of an experience I would of never seen coming.
It has been the most unconventional relationship I have ever known.
I have stated a thousand times on this blog that we have ups and downs.
Sadly somedays one part of that scale outweighs the other.
I don't know what it is about us.
I might not ever know.
The funniest thing about it all is how so insanely different we are.
Just last night Dr. BFF was tell me, "Bridget it is so interesting how he gets so overwhelmed by emotions."
My reply?
"It is crazy uh? Especially considering that I am the most emotional person I know. Every decision I make is based on how I feel about it. I have not a clue how this man has loved me."
He is the most logical man I know about things most of the time.
He has the ability to pull himself away and just be.
He can take days to process something and not come to a conclusion he needs to have immediately.
He isn't a people pleaser to anyone.
He will however bend over backward for anyone if he thinks he can help them better their lives.
He can hide his feelings better than anyone I have ever met.
Me?
Exact opposite of everything above.
So.
Here I am today.
Just thinking about fear.
Today I know he is 1,300 miles away looking for a new place to live and starting his new job.
Away from me.
I've never felt so afraid to be so far from someone.
Oddly for the first time since I found this out.
I don't care.
I am to the point where I just want him happy.
If this is what he needs.
I want it for him too.
Sometimes in life you really have to let people go.
They are going to do what they want to do.
The last time I let someone go I was 23.
Shortly after I was left in an airport and heartbroken.
I learned a lot from that experience.
I seemed this past week to have forgotten those lessons I learned.
Cliche as it is:
Dear You Know Who You Are,
I am really proud of you.
I am so so so happy for you. (Believe it or not)
I can't wait for football season to cheer on your new team.
I am excited you get to have your own way to do things to help people change their lives.
I am so overly grateful you will get help and not be doing 90 people's jobs at once.
I am excited that maybe you will get to sleep more and that you will get to see your family.
I am happy you get to be in the country more and hopefully get to have more moments in your life you felt you have missed out on.
I sincerely can't wait to visit and go on a micro beer tour.
I can't wait to see the leaves there in the fall.
I can't wait to make some drives around that state to show you some of my favorite places.
I can't believe you have accomplished so much in your life.
It is really something to get to call you one of my best friends.
I know you will be missed dearly by many people here.
I know it will be hard but it will be worth it.
Thank you for showing me that people can make dreams come true.
I can't wait to see what the next year has in store for you.
Not to mention how great you will look in green.
xoxo.
B
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