There are some days that I just loose myself.
Here is a tiny secret for you.
I suffer from severe depression.
It may or may not be the biggest demon in my life.
And I think that now it the time to just put it out there.
This is for many reasons.
The first being because of a phone call today.
My close friend Brandon and I talk about once every few weeks.
I love talking to him.
He struggles with his own demons.
And shares them with me.
I then.
Share mine with him.
And it makes me feel not so alone.
Anyway.
The reason I have decided to share this little secret is because maybe I can talk about it a little more openly and maybe, just maybe,
some of you out there will know that you are not alone.
This brings me to my phone call with Bran.
He told me how he has a friend who blogstalks me.
How she thinks she has met me,
and knows all the same people I know,
but what keeps her reading is that she feels like we personally connect with some of the things I write about.
I really love that.
And so... maybe not this girl suffers with this..
But maybe someone else does...
And this could help.
Not only them.
But me too.
Like how this
amazing woman talks about her
NED.
(And I admire all the more for it.)
When I first got professionally diagnosed I was horrified.
It was a great struggle for me to accept.
Members of my family told me it was a choice that doctors just wanted an excuse to drug me up.
My doctor however explained, "Bridget suffering from depression a complete chemical imbalance. It is like a diabetic suffering without their insulin.
This is not a choice."
There are many days I beat myself up for not being "happy."
There are many days that I am crazy.
Literally.
There are days, like yesterday where I just couldn't do anything.
I couldn't eat right.
Sleep.
Workout.
Be nice.
Want to be around anyone.
Clean.
Be responsible.
Feel.
This disease has led me to be quite unstable in many faucets of my life and been really hard to deal with not only for myself... but in many of my relationships.
Let me tell you when someone is really understanding and accepting...
You learn what love is.
And then there is today, I managed to get up and go to the gym and things are well in the world again.
I can breathe today.
And think clearer.
And maybe I will tomorrow too.
But for now.
I will be grateful for today.
And I will be grateful for my honesty with you the world wide web.
I had a professor yesterday tell us in class that if we all have blogs and Facebooks and stuff to be careful about what we put out there because our clients will find out.
You want to know my take?
Let them.
I am real.
I have issues.
I also am awesome.
And I love to feel and be vulnerable.
And know I am only human.
And I want you all to know that I do know that about myself.
Thank you all for loving me like you do.
Blogstalkers or not.
Life is good.
And this is just one more thing that makes me me.
And I am grateful.
Because it also makes me strong.
Here is to fighting my own ADD.
(Awful Depression Demon)
And kicking his rear!
or... at least dealing with it!
*On a side note. I more recently have decided to attempt to "deal" with the ADD in a more natural way. I am taking 300 mg. of
5-HTP before bed at night and it seems to be doing wonders. (Minus yesterday when I forgot to take it the night before) Also reducing sugar intake makes me a whole ton happier! Just FYI for some of you.
