Being Quiet In A Loud Way: Planks.

(Yes, its Friday night and I am NOT so cool)

This past few days have been crazy.

Not bad crazy.

Just busy/not crazy.

Does that make any sense?

At the moment I am not working.

I got a new job I am starting next week and we will see.

I have formed no opinion about it yet however, it gets me out from behind a bar.

In the meantime I have been skiing and shooting....and running. (More on that to come)

Shooting what?

Mostly skiers...and my dogs.

I am finding out the more I really do it I really truly don't suck.

I have also been fighting within myself like crazy.

Yes, over the same person that I have been for months.

Why?

I. have. no. clue.

Expectations mostly.

Love.

Both of those things.

I hate where I am at over the whole situation actually.

Daily it kills me.

I also am the type of person that obsesses over it.

I let it paralyze me.

It hurts.

It kills.

Mostly because I don't know how it got here and I don't know how to fix it.

Which leads me to how I get to a few places with people in my life.

Yes, I understand that some people in life are "Reason, Season, and Lifetimes" and that most of the people in my life I really have known most of my life... but in the past year a few of my relationships with people that were really close to me have faded.

Actually disappeared.

What is it that I do?

How do I let it happen?

How can I change it?

Then there is the one that is aforementioned.

It to me..right now...feels like a plank?

It's either huck yourself off with everything or come back and try to find the safe place.

Then there is the funny thing about any type of relationship.

It takes two.

This half is lost.

Pretty much dangling my feet off that plank.

The other half?