Ruby Red Slippers

image via tweexcore

As I sit down to write this post... I can't help but feel completely pathetic.

Maybe it is "my time of the month."

Maybe it isn't.

Regardless either the ADD has reared it's head or I am just really lost.

Today, professionally speaking was one of the best opportunities and experiences of my life.

(I am not going to intertwine the posts because all I did today deserves a completely separate one in its self.)

Emotionally speaking, all I could think was that I was just eaten up inside.

After work, I got in the car, made a phone call, and cried the whole way home.

Got inside, made dinner, sat down with my dad and cried again.

Answered the phone, ate my food and guess what? Yeah. Cried some more.

I do know that there are the ebbs and flows of life.

I just don't think I ever realized they would exist in the department of being so lonely.

I also didn't realize that after Brad was here and for the first time in years,

I really felt truly loved,

that when he left...

the loneliness and solitude would be even more apparent.

Which brings me to the feeling pathetic.

I think that in some ways I was really holding out and looking forward some events in the coming weeks to keep me sane...and now they were canceled.

And I would be lying if every bit of my heart and soul was crushed.

But maybe that is just how life is sometimes.

And maybe that is why I cried though my whole night when I should of been beyond overjoyed about what happened in my day.

I think..

I just need to figure out how to see that "there's no place like home."

And that I really need to find that "home" way deeper inside myself.

Maybe not so much in others,

or in things,

or in my faith,

but maybe just within myself.

Maybe then my ruby red slippers won't have to take me as far and I need them to now...