Public Humiliation

Humiliation (also called stultification) is the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission. It can be brought about through bullying, intimidation, physical or mental mistreatment or trickery, or by embarrassment if a person is revealed to have committed a socially or legally unacceptable act.

So.... today I got a small does of humiliation. Not a super big one...but a little one.

One of my old roommates... whom I think is a shrew and not a good person decided to "call me out" via Facebook wall post today. (She also told me to blog about what I do wrong... so here I am just to throw it all out there twice today!) In doing so she kinda got me thinking.

I am really good at not being such a good person sometimes, and according to her (and my mom) I also am a victim and a liar. I have sat on this most of today and both of them equally are right in some circumstances!

How do I fix this part of myself? And why do we as humans or I do these things? I know that we all have our pitfalls and our struggles but why lie and be mean? What is it in me that does this? What am I trying to get out of it?

The funny thing is in this situation it is over rent. I owe her rent and she owes me cable and my lame aaa didn't put a check in the mail for well over a month. But, the ironic part is that I did about a week ago and I also put a package in the mail for Christin and neither people have gotten either. The funny part is now I hope that one of them never gets it. Which then leads me back to being not a nice person and not caring either! Given I have not meant it to drag out like this but she also had called me at 12:30 am her time which is an hour later my time (HELLO SLEEPING!!!) and then remarks that I am not answering the phone or calling her back!

Furthermore, in the past I have intentionally lied numerous times. (Latley I realized that I do so cause I am really embaressed about the choices I have made in my life and pretty shameful about them as well) I also have been mean and have done a ton of things I shouldn't of. So here is the problem. Now I have finally started to put my life back in order and start to make things right and here I have a person who I haven't intentionally tried to screw over and yet I have... but now I don't even want to make it right because she took it to a level that was tacky and waaaayyy wrong.... but in some respect felt it was the right thing to do.

So today I learned a lesson. One, don't be facebook friends with people that you really don't respect and don't care about... cause chances are they feel the same about you. Two, I really need to work on not being a victim and get over all the crappy things in my past. Three, I really need to be more honest. She is pissed cause I said I would do something (which I am usually good about) and I have just wwaaayy later than I should.... and I need to be more honest in general. Lastly, I really need to just be a better person in general.

So friends I need your help. Call me out (in private) and please also help me. I know that I do have a somewhat "pissy" side and also a kinda mean side. But I want to be better and the reason I am friends with most of you is becasue you do make me better and I do want to be more like you all.

I am also sorry for the wrongs I have done, lies I have told, hurt feelings I have caused and moments I have had that have not been my best.... Please forgive me.

So yay for public humiliation and getting a dose of a well needed learning experience today!

I guess we really do even have some of the crappy things to be grateful for!