So Maybe.

"It doesn't matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives. Trauma messes everybody up. But, maybe that's the point, all the pain, the fear, and the crap, maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It is what pushes us, maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up."

This was a statement from the end of the Grey's Anatomy episode last night that really got me thinking.

Getting ready to move again has created so many emotions inside of myself it is almost too hard to put in to words. Luckily most of them are unnervingly ecstatic, but there is that tiny corner that is also very nostalgic. Over the past few years I have been through more than I imagined I would ever survive. And yet, here I am. Daily I ponder so many of the events, situations, and people that have crossed my path being here in Arizona this go around... and I can't help but wonder.

I wonder what if....

What if... I didn't meet them. They know who they are and they have touched my heart forever. They have been the true definitions of unconditional and Christlike love. They have held me when I was alone, fed me when I was sick, cried with me when no one would. They have soared when I was as high as ever, jumped when I was excited, and were proud when I needed praise. They are going to be with me forever and no one or thing can ever take that away.

What if... I would of said or did something just that much different. What then would my experiences of been? Would I have learned the lessons I needed to learn?

What if... I had never had my heart broken in that many ways at the same time? Would it of allowed me to get "a little messed up" so I could "step up" now?

I am so in awe of what we as humans are capable of, what we can survive though and live to tell about it. My time here is drawing to an end... and I know it is right. I know that it is for the best and that it is time to move on and look ahead. Just in the past 5 months I have grown and learned so much about myself I never knew before. I learned that all that trauma was worth it. That I got a little messed up so that I could be that much stronger and really be ready to move on in my life.

So maybe, I will miss it here... but I am ever so grateful to be stepping up and really following my dreams.